Hey Columbus Crew—

This week felt like watching a squirrel try to parallel park—equal parts chaos, unexpected grace, and pure Ohio magic.

We’ve got million-dollar homes selling faster than free donuts, The Office ditching Scranton for Toledo, and a hockey trophy delivery that’ll hit you right in the feels.

Plus, a 1975 food flashback that’ll make you question every $15 avocado toast.

Buckle up:

• 🏠 Rich People Sh*t: A $2.9M Delaware County palace with its own zip code.

• 📰 Dunder Mifflin 2.0: The Office spinoff trades paper for… actual paper (in Toledo, of all places).

• 🏒 Trophy Feels: A widow, a firefighter pole, and hockey’s most emotional award drop.

• 🥨 Hidden Gems: DIY charm bars, gas station diner glory, and pizza reboots in food halls.

🚨 The Headlines

💰 Million-Door Mansions & Lawn Envy

Franklin and Delaware counties just hosted a quiet flex-off:

• Delaware’s winner: A $2.9M Westerville palace (probably has a moat).

• Franklin’s champ: $2.3M for a New Albany pad where the bookshelf is the staircase.

Why it’s absurd: 28 homes sold over $1M last month alone. Meanwhile, my houseplant just died of neglect.

Realtor logic: “It’s an investment!” Translation: “You’ll recoup the cost in 237 years.”

→ Peek the absurdity

📺 Ohio Gets a Glow-Up in The Office Spinoff

Ohio’s moment in the sitcom sun has arrived. NBC just announced a new show called The Paper, a spiritual sibling of The Office—except this time the cubicles are at a struggling newspaper in Toledo.

Oscar Martinez is making a return (icon), but the rest of the cast is brand new and completely unqualified to run a newsroom.

Think chaos, cutbacks, and probably a lot of fax machine jokes. The show drops this September on Peacock, so prepare for Slack messages to become 30% more ironic again.

→ Read more about the Midwest mayhem

🏒 Sean Monahan’s Trophy Feels Trip

Blue Jackets’ Sean Monahan won hockey’s Masterton Trophy... delivered by his late best friend’s widow.

The scene: Meredith Gaudreau strapped the trophy into her passenger seat (“Seatbelt secured!”), surprised him at home.

The quote: “John knows I hate attention—he’s laughing at me from heaven.”

Why we’re crying: Grief, grit, and duct-taped joy. Also, hockey hugs.

→ Tissues required

🍷 1975: When Wine Cost Less Than Your Socks

Columbus Monthly’s 50-year throwback exposed our ancient food scene:

• The Christopher Inn: Beef stroganoff for $4.50 (now a parking lot—progress).

• Engine House No. 5: Fire poles in the dining room (RIP owners, lost at sea—plot twist).

Survivors: Plank’s Bier Garten (still slinging schnitzel) and Talita’s (now serving coneys beside enchiladas).

Biggest flex: “Gran Premio Red: $2.25.” [Cries in 2025 inflation]

→ Eat the past

💍 NEW OPENINGS: CHARM BARS & PIZZA GLOW-UPS

Fresh spots to fuel your inner magpie or carb-craving soul:

• Little Sky Stone: Bling Bar Opens | 📍875 N. 4th St. 
  This AAPI-owned jewelry spot—Vogue-approved and probably on your cool aunt’s radar—just opened its first-ever brick-and-mortar in Italian Village. Tomorrow’s grand opening promises iced coffee, a DIY charm bar, raffles, and permanent jewelry that’ll outlast most summer flings.
  

• Elevated Pizza: Food Hall Reboot | 📍1086 N. 4th St
  Borgata’s out? Elevated Pizza slid into Budd Dairy Hall with sourdough crusts and zero wood-fired smoke. “The dough is everything,” says co-owner Margaret. Try the Alsatian (bacon + candied onions = breakfast on a crust) or the Big Meat (for when you need protein therapy). 

🍳 DK Diner: National Diners Don’t Lie

Lovefood crowned DK Diner Ohio’s best retro diner. Proof? Pancakes made from donut batter.

The vibe: Fluorescent lights, sticky syrup, and lines out the door. Perfection.

Unspoken rule: If you don’t order the donut sandwich, are you even Ohio-pilled?

→ Join the cult  

🕰️ VINTAGE VIBES: 1900'S FOOD FIGHTERS

Following up on the food history deep dive, here are two OG Columbus eateries that survived the disco ball, polyester suits, and three recessions—still slinging flavor like it’s the Ford administration.

• Plank’s Bier Garten: Time-Capsule Tavern | 📍 888 S. High St
  Barnwood walls, budget schnitzel, and vibes unchanged since Nixon was president. Pro tip: Their $1.50-$3.50 menu now costs... more. But still worth every penny for the nostalgia.

• Talita’s: Coney-Crowned Legacy | 📍 1335 Dublin Rd. 
  Opened in 1968 as “Mexican Food”, now serving homestyle enchiladas and Detroit-style coneys. Because why choose?

 Friday, June 6

🎶 AC Slater @ Otherworld

Bass meets laser beams at this immersive warehouse rave. Dance under glowing alien architecture while AC Slater drops club-shaking house tracks.

→ Step into the chaos

🎸 Johnny Manchild and the Poor Bastards @ Natalie’s Grandview

Genre-bending rock with jazz flair and theatrical chaos—this band brings the energy of a Broadway pit and the punch of a punk club.

→ Catch the madness

🕺 Afrobeats to the World @ Skully's Music-Diner

Get ready to vibe—this dance party brings the hottest Afrobeats tracks and infectious energy straight to the heart of Columbus. Expect sweat, rhythm, and zero chill.

→ Catch the beat

Saturday, June 7

🎤 Jessica Kirson @ Southern Theatre

One of the sharpest comics on the circuit brings her no-filter honesty and hilarious delivery to Columbus. Expect big laughs, wild voices, and zero chance of holding it in.

→ Laugh like no one’s watching

🎭 Joey Aich & The Head Band @ Columbus Arts Festival

Catch this local legend throw down live on the Big Local Arts Stage. It's hip-hop meets heart in the middle of Columbus’ biggest arts party.

→ Catch the hometown heat

🎤 The Crimson Armada @ Ace of Cups

Metalcore fans, this one’s for you. The Columbus band’s reunion show promises chaos, chugs, and crowd surfers galore.

→ Bring earplugs (or don’t)

Sunday, June 8

🎻 Kelsey Cook @ Columbus Funny Bone

Comedy meets absurd honesty. Kelsey dishes on relationships, trauma, and bowling (yes, bowling) with killer timing and awkward charm.

→ Get weird with it

🎨 Columbus Arts Festival 2025 @ Genoa Park

Final day of one of the city’s best outdoor fests—art booths, food trucks, river views, and live performances for your Sunday wind-down.

→ Hit it before it’s gone

🎸 Softcult w/ She’s Green @ Skully’s Music-Diner

Shoegaze + riot grrrl = cathartic bliss. Come sway and scream in equal parts as Softcult shreds through their dreamy yet angry discography.

→ Float into it

Monday, June 9

🧩 Puzzle Night @ The Draft Room

It’s like trivia night but for jigsaw people. Team up, crack open a beer, and see who can piece together cardboard chaos the fastest.

→ Piece it together

🎸 Adjy @ Rambling House Music Bar

Experimental rock meets spoken word in an intimate bar setting. Bring your emotions and maybe a journal—just in case.

→ Get introspective

📍 Columbus Scavenger Hunt: The Golden Shamrock @ Schiller Park

History + hijinks. This self-guided scavenger hunt blends Columbus lore with clue-solving and a healthy excuse to roam German Village.

→ Start the quest

Tuesday, June 10

🎤 Drayton Farley @ A&R Music Bar

Alabama’s rising Americana voice drops heartfelt tracks and down-to-earth stories that make you miss people you haven’t even met.

→ Feel the twang

🎶 Creeping Death & Kruelty @ Ace of Cups

Brace yourself for blast beats and brutal riffs—Texas death metal collides with Japanese hardcore in a night that’ll leave your eardrums gasping (in a good way).

→ Mosh responsibly

🎸 Shellshag, Didi, Spooktober & Joey Moinaro @ Café Bourbon Street

DIY spirit, grungy goodness, and local noise. If your vibe is messy, sweaty, and unforgettable, this basement show delivers.

→ Go full dive bar

Wednesday, June 11

🎻 Punch Brothers @ Southern Theatre

Mandolins, violins, and vibes. This progressive bluegrass quintet serves up heartbreak, harmony, and elite-level string wizardry.

→ Feel the strings

🎤 Laura Jane Grace @ A&R Music Bar

Punk icon. Fierce lyrics. Raw energy. If you’ve got something to scream about, Laura will scream it first.

→ Raise your volume

🎸 John R. Miller WCBE Happy Hour Concert @ Rumba Café

Grab a drink and settle into the twang. This West Virginia troubadour is part grit, part poetry, and all heart.

→ Happy hour with soul

Thursday, June 12

⚽ Columbus Crew 2 vs. NYCFC II @ Historic Crew Stadium

Future stars and fierce rivalry energy. Cheaper than MLS tickets, but still loud enough to lose your voice.

→ Cheer for the next gen

🎤 Justin Willman @ Southern Theatre

Comedy meets magic meets "wait, how did he do that?" The Netflix magician hits Columbus with mind tricks and dad jokes.

→ Be amazed

🎸 Midwest Express w/ Jackson Stokes & Mattie Schell @ Woodlands Tavern

A bluesy, soulful double bill. Think Southern-rock road trip without leaving Grandview.

→ Catch the jam

📸 Picture of the Week

Meet the Indigo Bunting: nature’s answer to auto-tune and highlighter pens.

Mike snapped this on a glowing morning walk through Scioto Audubon Metro Park, this little blue show-off was belting its song like it had rent due.

🐦 Got a shot that stops scrolls?

Send it our way or tag us #ColumbusCuriosity for a chance to be next week’s featured snap.

That’s a wrap, Columbus.

From million-dollar moats to donut-batter pancakes, and sitcoms set in sad Ohio newsrooms—there’s no shortage of chaos, carbs, or charm.

Got a hot tip, weird photo, or overheard rant on High Street? Hit reply.

Stay curious. Stay caffeinated.

— Nate
Columbus Curiosity