Columbus Curiosity - 8th August 2025

Hey Columbus crew—

Welcome back to the only newsletter where a $3M New Albany flex, a dine-and-dash caper, and a thumb-bite all share a stage…

Followed by Lord Huron and a tax-holiday that practically begs you to buy a guinea-pig sweater.

The Lineup:

🗞️ News You Missed – $3M New Albany flex; Sister Cities flirting with Dakhla; CJ’s lemon-drop dine-and-dash; Kroger thumb-bite chaos.

🔍 Hidden Gems – Peach Basil Fresca = summer sip; Pizza Box pop-up at Getaway (Aug 8–10); Newfangled Kitchen cracks Yelp’s Top 100; Red Mango + Smoothie Factory opens Aug 9 (Westerville).

🎟️ What’s On This Week – Big stages: Lord Huron, Fitz & the Tantrums. Laughs: Matt Rife. Vibes: Candlelight Neo-Soul, Jon Lampley. Indie heat: Red Clay Strays, Barns Courtney. Free/fam: Yo Gabba Gabba, Zoo Trippin’ @ the Commons.

Let’s dive into this weeks chaos:

🚨 The Headlines

🏰 New Albany’s $3M “Anti-Humblebrag” Manor

A brick mansion just listed for $2.995M (because round numbers are for peasants). Highlights: 8,246 sq ft, saltwater pool, detached guest house, and a library ladder for reaching Tolstoy without straining a hamstring.

Realtor quote: “Takes your breath away!” Meanwhile, locals: “So that’s where my property taxes went…”

Cold hard flexes:

• Perks: Private putting green (golfers, weep), 8 bathrooms for 6 bedrooms (math is for peasants).

• Downsides: HOA probably bans plastic flamingos.

→ Peep the absurdity

🌎 Columbus’ 10 Global BFFs (and Counting)

We’re Sister Cities with Genoa (pesto wars!), Accra (mask diplomacy!), and Dresden (marathon swap!). Now eyeing Dakhla, Morocco because Ginther needs a passport stamp. Fun fact: Seville, Spain, buried Chris Columbus. Columbus, Ohio, buried… a Crew Stadium hot dog.

Diplomatic chaos:

• Delegation trips: Franklin County officials studied Curitiba’s transit (cough LinkUs inspo cough).

• Cultural swaps: We give them buckeyes. They give us existential dread about our pizza.

→ Global gossip

🍽️ CJ’s Soulfood’s Dine-and-Dash: Ocean’s 4 (Lemon Drop Remix)

Four women allegedly skipped a $200 tab at CJ’s Soulfood after downing lemon drops, apps, and entrees. The restaurant dropped CCTV footage with the caption: “Sheriff says they can get free meals!” Translation: “Enjoy jail meatloaf, ladies.”

Reality check:

• Mood: Less Catch Me If You Can, more Caught Because You Walked Slowly.

→ Watch the fumble

👍 Kroger Security Guard vs. Thumb Biter: 0-1

A guard at Parsons Ave Kroger lost part of his thumb to LA Willis (a “frequent flyer”). Willis allegedly bit him during a scuffle. Kroger closed temporarily—probably to deep-clean the vibe.

Silver lining:

• New nickname: Lefty.

• Willis’ defense: Refused mugshots. Smart—bad lighting.

→ Crime scene donut (missing, much like the thumb)

🍹 Drink of the Summer

Piada’s Peach Basil Fresca

Think: Italian summer vacation in a cup. White peach + fresh basil + zesty lime + ginger kick.

Hot tip: Pair it with Watershed’s Four Peel Gin at Lynd Fruit Farm’s orchard dinners. Fancy? Absolutely. Instagrammable? You bet.

→ Sip the magic

🍕 Pizza Pilgrimage

Pizza Box Lands in Dublin
Detroit-style squares meet Neapolitan rounds at Getaway Brewing. Soft launch hours:

• Aug 8: 5-11PM

• Aug 9: 5-11PM

• Aug 10: 2-8PM

Must-try: Pickle Pie (daring) or Pesto Prosciutto (pure bliss). Bonus: Travel-themed IPAs to drown your adulting sorrows.

🥪 Sandwich Royalty

Newfangled Kitchen (Bexley): Ranked #34 on Yelp’s Top 100 U.S. Sandwiches. Their meatloaf sandwich? A peace treaty between your taste buds and soul.

Only beaten by Brook Park’s Express Deli (#14). Translation: Road trip pending.

🍦 Sweet Rebellion

Red Mango + Smoothie Factory (Westerville)
Froyo-smoothie fusion warfare. Grand opening Aug 9 (11AM-4PM):

• Win FREE smoothies/yogurt FOR A YEAR

• "Healthy" toasts (wink) and wraps

Sugar rush with zero apologies.

Friday 8TH August:

Chris Porter — Columbus Funny Bone (7 PM)

Sharp, ranty stand-up from a national headliner.

→ Lock in laughs

Barack Community Center Cap City Festival — Barack Community Center (4 PM)

Community vibes, music, food and family-friendly chaos to kick off the evening.

→ Pull up

Lord Huron w/ S.G. Goodman — KEMBA LIVE!

Dusky indie-Americana built for singing into the summer sky.

→ Snag your spot

Fitz and the Tantrums (Man on the Moon Tour) — Newport Music Hall

Dance-it-out alt-pop; yes, you’ll clap on the two and four.

→ Grab tickets

Saturday 9TH August:

Uptown Untapped — Uptown Westerville

Craft taps, live sets, brick-street summer energy.

→ Tap in

Matt Rife — Nationwide Arena

Arena-sized stand-up from the internet’s chaos gremlin.

→ Grab seats

Nikki Hill + Laura Chavez — Natalie’s Grandview

Smoking R&B/rock revue with guitar heroics to spare.

→ Reserve a table

Sunday 10TH August:

Candlelight: Neo-Soul Favorites — Columbus Museum of Art

Glowing strings take on D’Angelo to Erykah. Vibes only.

→ Soak it in

Concerts on the Green: Columbus Soul & Salvage — Worthington

Soulful Sunday under the oaks—blanket + snacks = sorted.

→ Claim your patch

Into the Blue (ELO Tribute) — Natalie’s Grandview

“Mr. Blue Sky” with lasers in your heart.

→ Nab a seat

Steve Byrne — The Attic Comedy Club

Sharp stand-up, zero filler.

→ Lock it down

Monday 11TH August:

An Evening with Jon Lampley — Natalie’s Grandview

Huntertones horn wizard brings the groove.

→ Book your table

Soap-Making Workshop — Studio 614

Leave with suds that smell like competence.

→ Save your spot

Colorful Wave (Paint Night) — Pinot’s Palette (6:30 PM)

Guided canvas, big colors, zero stress.

→ Reserve your easel

Tuesday 12TH August:

The Red Clay Strays: Get Right Tour — KEMBA LIVE!

Southern rock with a gospel glow and highway grit.

→ Grab tickets

Disney Descendants/Zombies: Worlds Collide — Schottenstein Center

Campy, glittery, kid-powered mega-musical.

→ Family night secured

Leah & Andrew Rudick — Columbus Funny Bone

Sibling-level crowd work, Midwest chaos.

→ Snag seats

Wednesday 13TH August:

Yo Gabba Gabba! Live! – KEMBA LIVE!

Neon kid-core fever dream with parent nostalgia baked in.

→ Dance it out

Barns Courtney: Unplugged Solo Sessions – A&R Music Bar

Ragged hooks, raw voice—stripped to wood and wire.

→ Get close

DK Harrell Band w/ Shaun Booker – Natalie’s Grandview

Modern Mississippi blues collides with a Columbus powerhouse.

→ Reserve a table

Flamy Grant – Natalie’s Grandview

Queer folk-gospel thunder, jokes included.

→ Save your seat

Thursday 14th August:

Amp Up the Arts ft. Michael Cavanaugh – Hinson Amphitheater

Billy Joel Broadway star, piano-rock under the stars—benefit vibes.

→ Support + sing along

Wave to Earth: 0.03 Tour – KEMBA LIVE!

Hazy Korean indie-pop to float you into fall.

→ Drift in

Zoo Trippin’ + Paul Valdiviez & The Devious Boys + The High Definitions – Columbus Commons

Free triple bill; bring a blanket and let the riffs rip.

→ Hit the grass

🤔 Topic of the Week

“Schrödinger’s Dump Truck: Somehow speeding and blocking the left lane”

Columbus drivers swear there’s always one on 270 crawling in the passing lane, showering windshields with gravel, then rocketing past traffic five minutes later.

The comments hit the greatest hits: construction convoys everywhere, untarped loads = chip city, “stay back” decals that feel like force fields, and a general vibe of “why are you always exactly where I need to be?”

That’s a wrap: mansion gawking, sister-city schmoozing, lemon-drop heists, and way too many good shows for one calendar.

Hydrate, tip like a hero, tarp your loads (looking at you, dump trucks), and I’ll see you on the lawn.

Until next week,
Stay curious. Stay caffeinated.

— Nate
Columbus Curiosity